Archive | June, 2013

Is rape not bad enough?

27 Jun

The case is reported on here:

Rape victim asks State to recognize crime as terror act

 and

Tel Aviv rape: Palestinian arrested near crime scene

In all fairness to the victim, I hope this is not going through. While I am absolutely in favor of public executions for rapists and even those who enabled them, and while I think 20 years aren’t enough, as long as Benny Jaber wasn’t screaming “Allahu akhbar!”, this is not an act of terrorism. Prove his intentions qualify as such, and I’ll shut up.

If her request is granted, she will be considered a victim of a terror attack, thereby eligible to disability benefits by the Defense Ministry.

I’m sorry, but this is ludicrous. Yes, every rape victim, no, every victim of any form and degree of violent crime, should get the maximum support. But disability benefits for rape victims who are not suffering from Aids or permanent injury sustained during the rape? I sympathize, I do. I’ve known sexual abuse myself. But I’m sick of rape victims wallowing and indulging in their self-pity to a point where they use this as an excuse to depend on benefits. I had a friend once who tells everyone of how she got raped, and she does so with a winner’s smile. Well, she did win. She is now able to get disability benefits in addition to unemployment, so she gets to sit at home all day dressing up her daughter, or getting her nails done. She pretends she would like to work and be part of society, but “I can’t, because since the rape I can’t be around people anymore, it’s too distressing”. So why can she go to crowded restaurants, parties, pubs, clubs, etc. just fine and why has she got no problem cheating on her boyfriend with 4 members of his family? I thought she can’t be around people? Or is this only the case when it isn’t fun?

Rape victims should get all the therapy and support they need as long as they need it. But while they are not responsible for what happened to them, they are partially responsible for how they decide to deal with it. They can wallow and languish, but they can also get their act together. I’ve personally been through all kinds of traumatic experiences, not only sexually. I’ve known the horrific fear of incarceration in a foreign country with a brutal jail system, with nobody telling me why or how long for. So what? This was 3 years ago; why should I mooch unemployment and disability now?

I’m sorry, but the way she expresses herself – “He murdered my soul” – is way too poetic to be sincere. When you’re truly in shock, you blurt, you don’t write deep poetry.

It’s as if rape in itself, isn’t horrific enough. No, escalate to its recognition as terrorism. This girl’s behavior is a punch to the gut of every victim of actual acts of terrorism, and every victim of rape. “Yeah, I was raped, but honestly, there’s nothing to gain from that. I think I’m gonna throw in terrorism, too so I can get better benefits”.

But while this attitude offends me, something else deeply worries me. If her request goes through and they proceed to label this as an act of terrorism without any proof that this was indeed the motive behind the deed, this will have tremendous repercussions for all Israeli Arabs and/or Palestinians. Israeli Arabs are, as it is, in a similar position as African Americans: accuse them, and they’re arrested. Suspect them, and people will believe you.
If this girl gets her way, where will it end? If Benny Jaber did not indeed mean to commit an antisemitic hate crime, he is a regular rapist. Doesn’t that make him enough of a subhuman scumbag? If his being Palestinian and the victim being Jewish, is enough to call his crime an act of terrorism, then somewhere down the line, every crime or offense committed by an Arab against a Jew, may go down the same road. Some Arab stealing a candy bar from a Jewish store, may find himself accused of terrorism and handled accordingly. An Arab pulling out of a parking space and accidentally making a dent in a Jew’s car, may find himself fucked and done for terrorism; all it takes is a good argument and the Arab’s inability to prove that it was an accident.

In the long run, this would mean that every single Arab in Israel would have to be scared of being seen as a potential terrorist or indicted as such. And since most Israeli Arabs are no better or no worse people than Israeli Jews, one has to wonder whether this one girl’s comfort is worth such a price.

I wish the victim healing, and that she gets the support she qualifies for. I wish death upon Benny Jaber as I do upon any rapist. And I wish people could stop escalating the situation between Jews and Arabs on purpose.

Criticizing Gay Pride Aspects…

22 Jun

…apparently makes me a filthy homophobe.

Anyone who knows me, knows I support the equality movement. I think the LGBT deserve the same civil and human rights, privileges, and burdens, as everyone else. If it can pay taxes, it can marry.

What I do not understand, are 2 phenomena I saw at the Tel Aviv Pride and many other gay events and establishments:

  • Free condoms everywhere
  • A blatant excess in public soft-porn and fetishism, things that belong in private regardless of orientation or occasion.

Condoms are used to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases or intrauterine parasites such as babies. HIV is, statistically, rampant among homosexual men. So it makes sense to encourage homosexual men to use condoms. BUT what I don’t get, and what I’m surprised those homosexuals aren’t tremendously offended by, is how thousands of free condoms are thrown at gay people during gay events.

Let me elaborate why this should offend homosexuals. Because it would offend blacks if police were distributing free padlocks to people during a black event. Because the other stereotype about gay men, other than the HIV statistic and effeminate behaviorism, is that they stick it everywhere, uncontrollably, and more promiscuously than a whore on heroin.

Isn’t the distribution of free condoms specifically for gays basically saying:

Here you go, you over-sexed faggots, because you’re such uncontrollable animals that you either weren’t responsible enough to bring your own damned condoms, or you’ll have used them all up by the time you’re halfway through the parade, and also, you are too damned instinct-driven to wait to fuck your partner once you’re back home where your condoms are.

Seriously, what does it say that people feel a need to give free condoms specifically to homosexuals? Doesn’t it imply that unless given the safety for free by a mindful third party, they don’t have the common sense and responsibility to bring their own condoms or take their partner home where there are condoms? When I go out to have fun, I always carry around 4 to 6 condoms. Yeah, I’m a baaaaaaaad girl. LOL.

I know most homosexuals are not like that. But the condom-throwing implies nothing else than the assumption that they can’t be trusted not to screw around without someone else giving them condoms for free.

Then the public fuckery thing… People have accused me of wanting LGBT to stay “invisible and closeted”. This is not true. What is true, is that I don’t understand why LGBT people on such events insist on being given MORE liberties than straight people when it comes to public indecencies. I have nothing against anyone kissing, holding hands, or grabbing a bit of ass in public, but the only difference between some of the stuff I’ve seen at the Pride and full-blown porn is that Pride attendees were still wearing some underwear while crotch-grabbing, leg-licking, and tit-pulling in public. There aren’t a whole lot of “non-LGBT” events where straight people are encouraged or normal to behave like horny animals, (and if I were to ever see one such event where public sex isn’t even the official point of it, I will criticize it as well), so why do the LGBT insist on making such a huge display of a degree of physical affection that is not unacceptable because they’re gay, but because it’s unacceptable from anyone? Isn’t that asking for special treatment rather than equality?

Also, why does an event that allegedly only advocates love, acceptance, tolerance, and inclusion, need to degenerate into public orgies? Is it about showing confidence and self-love (“pride”, though I’d think pride is something you feel for an achievement, not for what you happen to be), or about provoking people by shoving your sex life in their faces? Straight people don’t do it, why do gay people have to? Again, most of the people I saw at the Pride were not behaving like this, just as the condom thing, but the overall impression the Pride was making, was not: “We’re gay and we deserve to belong” but rather “We’re gay, so we can’t stop doing it and you’ll just have to watch”. The only line they didn’t cross, was exposing genitalia. But grabbing them through the pants, suuuure, go right ahead, right here where kids are watching.

Hello – sexuality (being gay) and sex (having gay sex) are not the same. You are always (homo)sexual. You are sexual when you sit on a bench waiting for the bus. It’s your natural state of being when you’re an adult. Now, is the Gay Pride about accepting sexuality (the constant, inherent, being of homo-, bi-, trans-sexual), or about forcing people to deal with sex on the beach, the sidewalk, the coffee shop, etc? Why not just be openly homosexual rather than openly horny, why all this humping-for-the-camera, why all this near-nudity, etc.? It’s not LGBT-specific, so why this combo – straight people also do fetishes, strip clubs, promiscuous mindless fucking, etc. They just don’t take it to the streets but keep their sex lives where they belong – private. It is not “closeted” or “invisible” for gays to do the same. It’s called common fucking decency.

And knowing that most LGBT people do indeed behave even at Pride events, I think these two things are detrimental to the equality movement. Because both of them send the wrong message, the message that LGBT people are all about practical sex all day long, with all that moves. Or else, why the need for free condoms – aren’t they responsible adults who can either bring their own or keep it in their pants? Why the huge display of nudity and grinding crotches?

All my LGBT friends love sex, some like it weird. A gay friend of mine and I had a blast at an erotics convention, but – this is the big but – this convention, with its grinding, nudity, licking, etc. was held behind closed doors so people who wanted no live porn didn’t have to watch any. Seems  reasonable, straight AND gay. And all of them are fully clothed in public and behave like civilized adults. The same goes for all the heterosexuals I know. Why does the definition of “fun” at a Gay Pride Parade need to degenerate into public fuckery, rather than saving that for some private/indoor “after party”? Have your orgies, but not in public. Is all I’m asking.

I accept that you’re gay. I do not accept that I would have to cover my child’s eyes during certain public events. I don’t care if you’re a man sticking it in a woman, or a woman eating another woman, you don’t do that in public, and I don’t care if you think that some parade is your excuse for what boils down to indecent exposure. French-kiss your same- or opposite-sex partner(s) till your tongues fall off, but for anything more than that, get a fucking room.

That said, I think a friend of mine put it wisely when he made a distinction between homosexuals and gay culture. Homosexuals are people who are born homosexual as gingers are born ginger and blacks are born black. Nothing wrong with it, and nothing to do about it. It’s their natural state of being. This needs to be accepted just like blacks, fats, gingers, and short people should be.
However, gay culture is something else. Just as you can be black and not listen to hiphop or throw spears at animals, which are stereotypical black culture things, you can be gay and still wear a bit more than a silver thong. And public displays of affection only need to be tolerated to a certain extent, which is the exact same one as is tolerated from heterosexuals. Just as Islamic culture sees a line drawn at face-obscuring headwear in countries where facial identifiability in public is law, the tolerance for gay culture has no obligation to cover public indecency if straight people are expected to refrain from it. I’m pretty sure you can be gay and happy and not lick your partner’s inner thigh in public. Straight people sure manage.

The Arrogance of Solidarity

15 Jun

Image

‘t Is me. Yeah. On the first night of October (the date on the picture is from the day I edited it), I shaved my head bald. Completely. With a woman’s hand razor. Over the course of hours. Since I like sharing my life and shocking people in the process, I immediately made sure Facebook knew about it.

And Facebook immediately made sure I knew what an empowering, inspiring woman I am.

…what?

Feminists lauded me for giving “rape culture” and “macho” society that much-needed message: “Fuck you, I will not please men and to drive my point home, I will now disfigure myself needlessly and excessively, I’m a woman, hear me roar!”
That isn’t the words they told me, but that’s all I hear when I hear/read angry feminists celebrating an excessive degree of making oneself undesirable or ugly to men just to piss them off or make a point. Like the emo(tionally unstable) teenager who slits her wrists and uploads that shit to Instagram to make sure her daddy understands that she feels raped by not being allowed to party with her boozehead friends until 5 am. Hurt or ridicule yourself more than you hurt, ridicule, or even change, others. I don’t believe in this. If I cannot fight a battle or a war unless the only scenario where my opponent loses, being one where I lose too, by putting myself in a long-term position where I would never want to be in, I will not fight. I will not suffer in the name of feminism; who cares whether macho society makes me suffer or I do it to myself?

The other reaction I got a lot was, well, friends and family of cancer/chemo patients praising me for my beautiful gesture of sparkling solidari—no. You know, with all due respect because I get you’re doing it with pure intentions, if I had cancer and someone who wasn’t even family went and shaved their hair off to tell me they understand my pain and suffer with and for me, I would rip their pubic hair out one by one and implant it into their heads using a staple gun. Then they know my pain.
I’ve never had cancer but from what I understand, it sucks. You lose organs over it, you spend years of pain and sickness with or without treatment, and you may die. In front of the miserable faces of your loved ones. Having shaved my head after always having treasured long hair to a point where I spent what little money I had, on extensions, I know how big a loss it is. Not a big one. As long as you got a nice face, you’ll be fine. It grows back. It’s a few months of looking unusual and maybe getting stares, so what? People stare all the time, it’s in our nature to stare at what we deem unusual. It’s not animosity that drives these stares, so calm down and stop beating people up for staring at chemo patients or other unusual-looking people – no one means them any harm or offense. Some even stare in awe.
Losing your hair is no fun, and most women, myself included, love long hair and wouldn’t want to lose it lightly. So yeah, it was a bit painful for me to lose my hair. It was one of the few things I had going for me appearance-wise. It wasn’t pleasant. But it was not a huge deal, either. Having cancer is a huge deal, and if you think that you can even begin to understand what a cancer patient goes through just by cutting your hair, errr nope. Losing your hair without losing an organ or a job or a spouse or your last bit of life by being chained to a hospital bed, is probably not a loss that would inspire awe or gratitude in a cancer patient for your “sacrifice”. You only lose your hair for a little while.
It would be different if you were to donate the hair to have wigs for cancer patients made. But on the other hand, there are enough wigs on the market that should be good enough. Indian women get screwed out of their hair all the time by being told it’s for the gods and then it’s really just for a greedy old man who makes money out of it. I’m guessing a wig is near the bottom of a cancer patient’s priorities, way underneath Survival, Family, and A-way-to-take-the-edge-off-this-agony.

So no, you’re not a hero.

Neither are you a hero if you’re one of those idiot Jews who get concentration camp tattoos. What the fuck? Again, just like the head-shavers-for-cancer, they just go and get the look, the mark, of a “victim of suffering”, and think this signifies solidarity. No. It signifies that you think you understand any extent of the horror Holocaust victims and survivors had to go through. But you don’t. You don’t have the memory of the abuse, the fear of death, the smell of your people being incinerated. You don’t have the memory of the indescribable feeling the survivors must have felt when they were freed. You got your number willingly, probably feeling all epic about yourself, and not at gun point. You don’t even begin to understand their suffering, and neither do I, and I refuse to sit my well-off ass down and get a tattoo for 50 bucks and a wince of pain, when the people who’ve inspired it, have been through so much more to end up branded. Unwillingly.

Getting a camp tattoo “in solidarity” with Holocaust survivors or in a victim’s memory, or shaving your head to show that you “get” cancer patients, is like going to a bar to have bad but consensual sex with a guy who ain’t your type, to show solidarity with rape victims.

You make no sacrifice. You sit down feeling all warm and fuzzy and do-goody about yourself by getting a small or temporary modification done or going through a period of inconvenience.

And as for that calf number 269 whose number you got tattooed somewhere it doesn’t bother you? Cute, now follow through and get slaughtered. Then you understand its pain. You sit around on your fat ass eating tofu only the better-off can afford, playing around on your Smartphone, trying on cute dresses, and somewhere in the background of your activity, you have a tiny little number tattoo. If calf 269 could speak, it would probably ask you what part of its pain, other than its number being burned into your skin, you share. And then it would shit on your hipster-ass canvas shoes.

And as for my bald head? In my quest for beauty I had ruined my hair with aggressive black perms and it was falling out in strands. There was no saving it, only getting rid of all the damaged hair (ALL the hair), and letting it grow back naturally. No sociopolitics, no cancer awareness, just the disappointment that yet another one of my desperate quests for beauty had gone horribly wrong.

Prick in the Wall

14 Jun
People need to stop quoting the bullshit of “Brick in the wall”. Without teachers, nobody would be able to read and write and speak out. Teachers are not your enemy. Blind obedience is.
 

Death Penalty and Bleeding Hearts

12 Jun

I was just going to write here how I think that any violent criminal, sexual or non-sexual, should, upon conviction, be made to kneel and have a bullet implanted into the back of his top vertebra. However, some discussion with a friend and original research, requires me to go a bit deeper than that.

For example, this: http://www.reprieve.org.uk/tvandradio/2010_02_17_DP_Campaign_Right_to_life_evil_people/

Prisoners on death row are usually people who have suffered terrible abuses and become the product of their environment.”

Cute. It is true that people can change and regret their action, and that they are sometimes, not always, the product of a bad environment. However, how does that comfort their victims or, when the victims are dead, those who mourn them? What good is it to those that have been wronged by the actions of some misunderstood poor soul (sarcasm), to know that the monster who destroyed their lives, can be helped? Do we really owe consideration for these factors? Does a mother whose child has been kidnapped, raped, and strangled, owe to give thought to the perpetrator’s tormented soul and abusive parents? Is it the problem of the man who got beaten up by “misunderstood” immigrant punks that the latter feel rejected by society? 

No.

The only one who owes a monster sympathy and regard for its humanity, is the one who made the monster. No difficult childhood, no broken home, no poverty, and no mental illness is an excuse to victimize the innocent. When it does happen, the safety and healing of victims and potential victims should be the sole concern of those with the power to impact the matter. 

It may be true that a murderer has also saved a puppy from drowning, or made children laugh in his clown costume. It may be true that the rapist has a great sense of humor, takes great care of his sickly mother. It may be true that the man who bashed a guy’s head in for asking him to put out his cigarette, is getting great grades and headed for a PHD. 
However, the same person still chose to destroy the life of someone who did little to deserve it. The same person who is petitioning for second chances, has robbed his victims of such chances forever by destroying either their biological, or their spiritual life through death or trauma. Should such a person not have forfeited their right to plea human? Isn’t it only natural that, when you walk up to smack somebody, you don’t get to ask not to be smacked back? 

If there is more to a human being than his worst action, I suppose we’re all a little bit hard on Hitler. Poor Hitler. Rumor has it his grandmother was a bitch. It’s all her fault he killed 11 million people.

A bad life can be turned around, yes. A taken life, no. A taken life can never laugh or do good again. Take that into account when you plea for mercy for the taker of that forever lost life.

There is more to a human being than his worst action.  Research shows that people can change and suggests that a vast majority of murderers have the potential to change, if given a chance.

 

Research also shows that murder victims do not have the potential to change, and cannot be given a chance. And whatever the murderer’s excuse, mental illness, bad daddy, poverty, the murderer is always more at fault than the victim, for having decided to take a life that did, objectively speaking, little to force the murderer’s hand. 

Hence one must wonder – do those who take away any and all chances from their victims, deserve to be rewarded by chances of their own? 

And what if the murderer cannot better himself, or what if he returns to evil? What if he is declared insane and handled leniently? All these scenarios put at risk the lives of further potential victims. Should a line, once crossed, really be moved to the benefit of the crosser, when innocent lives have been destroyed in the process of the first crossing?

As for the tax payer burden of the death penalty… I think that once the defendant is crushed by proof, or even better, confessing, there is no need for incarceration and expensive execution ceremonies. Since they appear to be available at Walmart, I imagine a bullet to the top vertebra upon conviction would not produce any measurable weight on the tax payer.

Black people, white people, bullshit people.

11 Jun

My thoughts on the black-white debate:

Strictly speaking, nobody is white – or black. As a painter, I learned that the color of snow or salt or my Persian cat is white. White people are beige, cream, orange, pinkish, or various shades and hues of brown. The latter also goes for black people. They’re brown, because if a non-human object with the same color as their skin were described, the word used would be brown, not black.
They say I’m white but if you were to ask for a dress in the color of my skin, “White” wouldn’t get you what you want. Asians aren’t yellow, lemons are. Black, strictly speaking, is the color of a vinyl record or the better part of a Rottweiler.

So weird that brown, cream, and orange surfaces, when they’re human, are described as the extremes, black and white, when they’re neither – by definition of the color. Basically, the whole black-vs-white discussion is bullshit because the only black thing about a black person, is the hair and the only white thing about a white person, if they’re lucky, are the teeth.

You could go the whole scale of “black” to “white” skin colors in a cup of coffee. A thick coffee with no milk would be considered black, while, held against the light, you can clearly see it’s an intense brown. With each drop of milk, the coffee becomes lighter, covering all the shades from a Massai warrior over Obama all the way down to the sun-fearing ginger kid. The max lightening you’d get though, is off-white or light beige, perhaps with a pinkish hue, but never pure white. All shades of coffee will always be some degree of brown, and the same goes for skin. There are no black or white people, only brown ones.

Rape is never okay.

9 Jun

Unless you’re a violent criminal or a rapist yourself. Then you deserve it.

Do read on.

Browsing [a forum], I just came across a thread discussing a news event in Zimbabwe. A 19-year-old man had been abducted and his sperm had been forcibly “sucked” from him through a machine, 3 times a day for 7 days. Several adult women were involved in this. Basically, the man, or rather, the boy, was being sexually abused and held captive, for a week.
The vast majority of commenters on the news item were female, and they were making jokes. Some expressed disgust for the messy practice of forcible semen extraction rather than the fact of violent sexual abuse. The general feeling seemed to be that abducting and raping a man is funny. Especially when the culprits are females. Oh, so naughty. Not “vicious”, no, “naughty”.

Well, it’s not. I will now make a lot of enemies but I’ll say it anyway. While it must be noted that I am fervently against the sexual abuse of any gender or age, it is simply a fact that the younger you are, the more likely you are to grow out of all kinds of emotional memories. I am not remotely implying that it’s preferable to abuse a toddler rather than an adult. Never. All rapists should be tortured to death, and I will back this statement if push came to shove. However, the farther back an event lies, the more the memory of it is likely to fade. I don’t remember my 3rd birthday as well as I do my 27th. My first beating lies farther back temporally and emotionally, than does the last one. Time does heal wounds unless they are kept open in some way. That’s all I’m saying, realizing full well that there is no non-shocking way of saying it.
I was abused once when I was 7. I can’t say it traumatized me; I thought we were playing doctor and I didn’t really see the big difference between his penis and his hands. He inflicted no degree of pain on me, and there was no possibility of physical damage. Actually he had been the one to beg me to bite him “there” and I loved being allowed to bite someone. If my mother hadn’t brought it up 7 years later, I would not even have remembered it – let alone care about it. Obviously, this doesn’t make it okay. No violation of anybody’s physical or mental indemnity, is ever okay. But since the incident was isolated and is now 23 years in the past, I cannot say I have issues with or for it.

Now imagine any degree of abuse happening to a grown man. Not only are you old enough for your memory to store and categorize everything and brood it ten times over, you are a man. Society expects you to be strong and dominating. You rule, you are responsible. You are at  the top of the social food chain because you are physically stronger than women, and mentally riper than children. Or at least, so they say. So they demand.
What is sexual abuse? It doesn’t really matter. What matters, is what law, culture, and society make it. To me personally, it is no worse than other physical abuse – actually I’d rather be raped than have my face cut up or my skull bashed in. That’s just me though. And law, culture, and society make it something that is only horrible when it happens to children and females. Because children are classically associated with innocence and helplessness, and women with weakness and an inherent lack of responsibility. Women, like children, have gone through history being taken care of either by men, or by other women. Men are the caregivers, women are culturally assumed to be on the receiving end of such care, or authority, unless the care is directed at children, the elderly, or animals – basically anything that needs nursing is okay for a woman to care for. But who is the provider of food, shelter, and safety for the woman? The man.

How dare you, man, to get into a situation where you claim the innocence that was assigned to the child, or the weakness that was assigned to the woman? Here’s the problem, I think. Men are expected to be the do-ers, the strong ones, the ones who make force happen rather than have it happen to them. It’s absurd in the eyes of a man-run society, and the absurd is laughable. This is especially predominant in sexual force, since sex is typically associated with gender and gender roles – the male on top. What happens when a female turns the tables, or when a man is on top of a man? Even in consensual sexual relations, this is seen as “different”. Men are not expected to be submissive to women, and men are not expected to sexually submit other men.

To make things worse, men are assumed to be in the mood for any kind of sex at any given time, as long as homophobic men are spared homosexual encounters. So why would any heterosexual man complain about having his penis aggressed by females? Shouldn’t he enjoy it and tweet about it? “Getting gang-raped by hot black nymphos, lol”.
While this often works in womens’ disadvantage, social sexual expectations of women give them one advantage over men: women are expected to use their sexuality sparingly and deny sex to as many as possible. So if a woman is forced to give what she is not supposed to give, of course society will harshly condemns her rapist. And so it should.
But men? Society cares little for male virginity or “purity”, so a man being forced to give his body to a sexual encounter, is not viewed as as much of a victim as is the woman. Men are expected to stick it in everything, so they might as well have it stuck for them.

To sexually abuse a woman or a child is already a horrible crime and I would not protest public executions of rapists. But we women are raised with warnings and expectations of being sexually abused. Sexual abuse of women by men, is an integral part of our belief system, whether it happens to us or whether the media tell us about yet another case. As women, we know how real and likely it is to become a victim of sexual abuse. Similar conditions are true for children, though children are handled more carefully.
Men? Rape an adult man whose world views have been established and which he believes in. Rape a man who has grown out of the innocence of childhood, and into a big, strong testosterone silo men are made to believe they are, and often rightly so. Rape a man who has been led to believe by his culture, that he is a ruler for no more than being male.
Unlike a woman who has grown up being brainwashed into “knowing” that she, for being female, is a subject to this man’s world, and a potential victim of sexual abuse, the man’s world collapses far beyond the feeling of having been violated or betrayed. The man is confronted with something he was not prepared for – being a victim of sexual aggression, something much more typical for women and children. This atypical experiences may lead him to question his gender identity. His biological position. His whole world that was never once about men being sexual victims. Despite being a man, he was overpowered physically, and forced into what is “typically” the position of a female – getting fucked rather than fucking. Hebrew language distinguishes this very clearly. Women fuck in English just like men do, they fuck in German just like men do, but in Hebrew, women get fucked while men fuck and I have been corrected for saying “I fuck” many times.

Call me a sexist all you want, I am presenting things from a cultural point of view rather than my own. Women are supposed to get fucked, by men who are supposed to fuck. A man unwillingly getting fucked, “worse” even, by the typical get-fuckedster, a woman, is turning the world (as it is, perhaps not as it should be) upside-down. It does more than inflict physical pain/injury, and create the trauma of having had your sexual intimacy invaded. It un-creates your established mental manlihood. It un-creates your biological, sexual belief system. It un-creates your understanding of the world.

Yes, the understanding that women and children are the typical rape victims, is unfair. Nobody should be a victim, much less inherently categorized as such. But children, for their innocence and helplessness, for their inability to give informed consent or refusal, and women, for their physical weakness and their inherent biological “task” of being penetrated by the male, are “accepted” victims. This is not right, this is not ethical, but this is our culture. We sadly and desperately expect women and children to be abused, which is why we tell women and children to steer clear of male strangers, while we do not tell this to teenage boys or adult men. It hardly occurs to us that men, too, should be warned of this danger. We inherently expect them to either be off the menu of the sex predator, or to be strong enough, “man enough” to either defend against, end up enjoying, or get over it. This, to me, is just as sad as looking at a woman in a dark street and hoping she won’t be raped. This, to me, is just as sad as worrying that your child, on his way home from school, may be assaulted. Society has little worry for a male’s sexual safety if he is too big to be a “sweet, innocent child” – and a man becomes too big for this very quickly.

I’ve been sexually assaulted to various degrees at various ages. Mostly in my early 20s, only by males, not counting a disturbed 9-year-old girl who enjoyed dry-humping people. But while I find it awkward to talk about, and while I prefer not to recall any incident, I manage to shrug it off. Maybe I’m more hardened than other women, or maybe it is because I have grown up being warned of, and prepared for, the abuse for being a helpless female in a man’s world. With all the warnings to women and children, how can I not grow to expect and shrug at it when it happens to me? All of society keeps telling me: as a female, I can expect to get assaulted.

Since this predictability is not the case for men, for men not having been raised with the fear/expectation of being sexually abused, men lack the mental preparation that is latently present in women. For this lack of preparation, men have jolly little coping mechanisms, no ready-made phrases like “It’s not my fault” or “He’s just a woman hater”. Women have these phrases, women in most cultures and legal systems, have a support system that condemns their assaillants and defends their own innocence in the matter. Men have society tell them to be strong, man up, and stop being a whiny little bitch. Men have society belittle them and call them “homos” for “letting” another man assault them, men have society tell them to be grateful if a woman forces herself on them because hey, at least he got some…

Even children have better coping mechanisms. Since adults are an absolute authority in the minds of most children, a group of adults repeatedly telling them that they are not to blame, and that they will be okay, and that their assaillant was just a bad person, is likely to help tremendously. This can be parents, this can be therapists. Even if such support is offered to men, culture has taught them to feel much more awkward and ashamed about accepting or reaching out for help, than women or children.

For who doesn’t snort at the thought of sitting down with a grown man who got raped, hold his hand, wipe his tears, and tell him what they would tell a female or underage victim? I don’t snort, many other people don’t either, but I think we all know that as a whole, men get a lot less sympathy for being victims of sexual assault.

Yes, most victims are females and children, yes, most perpetrators are male. But gender or age should not determine how much of a victim you are or how much support or sympathy you get, or how horrible your assailant is. Personally, I don’t want to be beat up any more than I want to be raped; personally, I am no more disturbed by the incident when I was 7, than by the incident when I was 24, and personally I think a violent criminal, sexual or non-sexual, should hang from every street lamp.

I am not saying raping a woman or a child is preferable to raping a man. I am however saying that the latter is being downplayed unjustly when, due to cultural attitudes, the impact can actually be more severe for male victims. But how about not raping anyone? I think that would be good.