When you have 3 cable boxes

15 May

In response to someone complaining that he had to cancel his science channel subscription in 1 out of his 3 cable boxes because he isn’t offered any “decent” jobs (as in, management positions with on-site cafeterias). Which is funny because he can afford to turn down jobs for reasons as silly as the baby starting to cry – which is usually not an omen so much as a full diaper or empty stomach, or maybe a tooth digging its way through sensitive gums. I can’t not respond to these snobs. I know it sucks to have to lower your life standards. I know it sucks to be used to more. I know it sucks. But come on, not being able to watch the science channel on 3 TV sets?

I mean… My god, the poor man! Somebody, open a GoFundMe for him! He can only watch all of his fancy channels on 2 out of his 3 cable TVs! That is horrible. That is one step away from dumpster-diving and prostitution. I am so, so sorry. And I am so sorry you can’t get a management position right off the bat…

I mean, I only need 2/3 of a page to list my hard-earned skills, and I could do so in 7 languages including Japanese and HTML. I can only do nearly every task there is to do on a movie/TV set or post-prod. My photography and videography have only gotten me an internship offer in Hollywood. My animal handling skills only span across every creature with fewer than 6 legs, including a grown-ass lion and no means of defense. I have only won literature awards for my polyglot writing skills. I have only won even more awards, and been invited as a honorary guest at conventions, for my art.
And yet, if it weren’t for my generous, supportive parents, I wouldn’t have any channels on any of my… uh… 1 TV. I would have to feed my beloved rescue pets to teach-other instead of buying them decent, non-lethal kibble. I would spend more than the current average week not having real meals but rather, a can of olives and a pita through the day. I would not have what little social interaction I can afford the bus to and have to beg for a ride home. Because with all my qualifications, and my really low standards for a job, let me think what I got here:

  • no cafeteria and no management position in the dark, cold building I had to watch for 12 hours per night for close-to minimum wage so nobody would steal the dust there. Mind you, it was a bank building with exposed safes and I was not given a weapon; I am a vulnerable female. 
  • no respect and not even a greeting at the training center whose snobbish course participants I guarded for that near-minimum wage, but at least I got to take home the leftovers because the manager and I were the only non-snobs there who could appreciate leftovers at all. 
  • unpaid sickdays because my current near-minimum wage temp job is only, well, temp, so I won’t even be employed there long enough to get severance when the season ends and they kick me off the boat. My last paycheck was 700 Shekels, try living off that, but I was too sick to work for a week, and the holidays I hadn’t chosen to take (Pesach,..) weren’t paid, either
  • I love that job anyway; I get to assist spoilt, sheltered assholes in organizing their FREE trip through MY country that I cannot afford living in decently, while they for some absurd reason get to call it their birthright

From his blog post alone, I’m thinking my list of qualifications is a lot longer than his, while I have been forced to lower my standards way below his if I want to continue not eating my dog. So yeah, I’d love to trade places. Except, I don’t, because while living dangerously close to the poverty line, I cherish what I have. One head-bump from my cat is worth a hundred of the vacations on Bora Bora I fantasize about.
You know, I’m used to better living, too. We used to own the 3-floor 500 squaremeter houses with the 600 squaremeter gardens we lived in, and the pet foxes and the weekly 500 dollar shopping sprees and my yearly party trips to and through Japan, or the monthly concerts in France. Nowadays, I crash parties to hamster as much free food as possible, I grab napkins wherever I’m invited for coffee because toilet paper costs money, I take as many naps as possible during which I preserve electricity and food, and I only move around where transportation is either free or not needed, so I usually have to tell my friends “I’m sorry I can’t come to your party, I have no money for the bus or to contribute that bag of Bamba”. I would urgently need my hormonal uglies treated, but beauty clinic would mean 300 Shekels monthly, and that is an investment I daren’t even speak out loud. 
Sadly, this country offersn’t the anonymity required for prostitution. LOL.

I am so sorry for him having had to cancel a TV channel in one out of 3 TV sets. If it weren’t for the support from my family, I would have to cancel my TV subscription altogether and I’m actually 1 step, 1 bill, 1 sick pet, away from that because TV is really the last thing anyone needs. But of course that’s no comparison to having to choose which one of your fancy 3 cable TV installations to watch a subscription channel from. My wet dream is to be able to afford NatGeo Wild on my 1 TV set, so I can see the lions I’m too poor to see in the wild because my life savings I wanted to invest in a volunteer program caring for orphaned lions in Africa, have been dissolved into cheap, crappy food and soap and asswipe. Had to trade in one of my biggest, teary-eyed dreams (wiping baby lion butts) for cans of pickles.

And I am so sorry this poor man can afford to turn down a decent job offer on a whim because his baby squeaked “ominously”.

And unless someone comes along complaining that he can’t watch all the TV he likes or has to decline a job offer because there is no goddamned cafeteria, I do not throw myself pity parties. I just try and adjust by finding cheaper hobbies, cheaper food, cheaper everything, and actually, it’s not that horrible. Who needs TV anyway?



One Response to “When you have 3 cable boxes”

  1. Nina May 15, 2014 at 9:23 am #

    thank you for reminding me that that there are also sane people in this Middle Eastern loony bin!

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