Tag Archives: death

When you die…

9 Jan

…and you have time to realize it, there is this short and last moment of clarity. A clarity not of what happens around you, but what is about to come to you, and only you, from inside you, where it seems to always have been lurking. It’s not a thought, because thoughts can be controlled, thoughts have words and images. It’s not quite a feeling either. It’s like a wind that’s standing still, within the core of the core of your being’s being. 
Your body is already past feeling anything. Your mind is past thinking. It’s that moment just before you’re really dead, that last bit of brain activity, that gives you something that isn’t quite a thought, but also not quite a feeling, yet you realize it, but not knowingly, not in a way you could define it; your body is too far gone to even make a facial expression to go with it. 
It’s that final fleeting moment of realization. It’s over. It’s too late, you’re past all hope or help, you are about to be dead, and your being, your joys, your pains, your friends, your family, your world, your projects and dreams, your past and your future, everything will be irrevocably over in an amount of time that knows no name and that has no unit or measure, just like this realization that is nothing and everything.

That sadness, that final surge of struggle in your deepest core that does not want you and your world to end. And the sadness that it will all end regardless. Nothing compares to this. It’s not fear, not resignation, not anger, just the sadness of the profound, final, and pointless realization that the world that you’ve made and that you’ve been – every person creates, is, their own world – is now ending and nothing can save it.

You can only put it into words if you survive to think about it. You can’t relate to or internalize it unless you’ve felt it. If you hold on to it, it instills a fear of, and a rage against death in you, an absolute rejection of your mortality, and a desperation to live and to make your life matter and to not waste a second. This is at the same time motivating, and also paralyzing. This fear that the world, a unique world everybody creates, will end when you stop breathing. You cling to each breath knowing one will eventually be your last and you will encounter that feeling again. You fear and hate the thought of you ending. You’re no longer able to imagine the world without you in it, because the world you know, is the one your eyes have seen, your hands have touched, and your mind has processed. Any other person will not live in the world of your life. They live in their own. You end and your world, a world, ends. Death no longer feels natural or acceptable. Not your own. Because with you, the world ends.


Death Penalty and Bleeding Hearts

12 Jun

I was just going to write here how I think that any violent criminal, sexual or non-sexual, should, upon conviction, be made to kneel and have a bullet implanted into the back of his top vertebra. However, some discussion with a friend and original research, requires me to go a bit deeper than that.

For example, this: http://www.reprieve.org.uk/tvandradio/2010_02_17_DP_Campaign_Right_to_life_evil_people/

Prisoners on death row are usually people who have suffered terrible abuses and become the product of their environment.”

Cute. It is true that people can change and regret their action, and that they are sometimes, not always, the product of a bad environment. However, how does that comfort their victims or, when the victims are dead, those who mourn them? What good is it to those that have been wronged by the actions of some misunderstood poor soul (sarcasm), to know that the monster who destroyed their lives, can be helped? Do we really owe consideration for these factors? Does a mother whose child has been kidnapped, raped, and strangled, owe to give thought to the perpetrator’s tormented soul and abusive parents? Is it the problem of the man who got beaten up by “misunderstood” immigrant punks that the latter feel rejected by society? 


The only one who owes a monster sympathy and regard for its humanity, is the one who made the monster. No difficult childhood, no broken home, no poverty, and no mental illness is an excuse to victimize the innocent. When it does happen, the safety and healing of victims and potential victims should be the sole concern of those with the power to impact the matter. 

It may be true that a murderer has also saved a puppy from drowning, or made children laugh in his clown costume. It may be true that the rapist has a great sense of humor, takes great care of his sickly mother. It may be true that the man who bashed a guy’s head in for asking him to put out his cigarette, is getting great grades and headed for a PHD. 
However, the same person still chose to destroy the life of someone who did little to deserve it. The same person who is petitioning for second chances, has robbed his victims of such chances forever by destroying either their biological, or their spiritual life through death or trauma. Should such a person not have forfeited their right to plea human? Isn’t it only natural that, when you walk up to smack somebody, you don’t get to ask not to be smacked back? 

If there is more to a human being than his worst action, I suppose we’re all a little bit hard on Hitler. Poor Hitler. Rumor has it his grandmother was a bitch. It’s all her fault he killed 11 million people.

A bad life can be turned around, yes. A taken life, no. A taken life can never laugh or do good again. Take that into account when you plea for mercy for the taker of that forever lost life.

There is more to a human being than his worst action.  Research shows that people can change and suggests that a vast majority of murderers have the potential to change, if given a chance.


Research also shows that murder victims do not have the potential to change, and cannot be given a chance. And whatever the murderer’s excuse, mental illness, bad daddy, poverty, the murderer is always more at fault than the victim, for having decided to take a life that did, objectively speaking, little to force the murderer’s hand. 

Hence one must wonder – do those who take away any and all chances from their victims, deserve to be rewarded by chances of their own? 

And what if the murderer cannot better himself, or what if he returns to evil? What if he is declared insane and handled leniently? All these scenarios put at risk the lives of further potential victims. Should a line, once crossed, really be moved to the benefit of the crosser, when innocent lives have been destroyed in the process of the first crossing?

As for the tax payer burden of the death penalty… I think that once the defendant is crushed by proof, or even better, confessing, there is no need for incarceration and expensive execution ceremonies. Since they appear to be available at Walmart, I imagine a bullet to the top vertebra upon conviction would not produce any measurable weight on the tax payer.