Tag Archives: lgbt

Open Letter to George and Brad Takei

23 Apr

Dear George, dear Brad.

TL;DR: insulting or otherwise being an ass to people who haven’t wronged you, is wrong. I am not defending assholes. However, the internet, including the Takeis, tends to respond way out of proportion, causing more harm to the offender than they would possibly deserve for a fuck-up the makings of which are hardly explored. People are judged too quickly and too harshly. Nobody asks if the victim in the reported incident had previously antagonized the perp, or if the perp may be out of control due to mental illness. Or whatever. There are greater wrongs to be tackled.

Now on to the more elaborate version.

I have never seen George on the screen. I started following who was a complete tranger to me, after having seen his “You are a douchebag” video on Youtube. While I do think it is okay in some cases to wish death upon a person – bullies, rapists, murderers and other life destroyers come to mind – I agreed with the point pertaining to the specific case.

I agree with a lot of what the two of you post in terms of political and social content. I used to share lots of it for I agreed with its relevance. And when your content wasn’t sociopolitically relevant, it was at least entertaining.

But these days? I’ve unfollowed you, and while I’m sure you don’t care, I hope you’ll read and think about my reasons. First off, I am one of many who have watched both of your pages slither down the lo-brow slide of clickbait over the years. Are you being paid to post articles the title of which promises a face-hugger while the content is about lice? Lists of mildly entertaining facts or testimonies? You may not create the bombastic titles of the content you share, but you have probably reviewed the content – did you sincerely find it as interesting as the title made it sound? I doubt it.

But way worse than clickbait, is your recent tendency towards sharing name-and-shame articles. Oh, someone looked at this guy’s child the wrong way? A waitress didn’t get a tip? A possibly mentally ill person had an embarrassing meltdown? Quick, Team Takei! Share it for the world to see, because you are the Takeis with a following of millions who will share not one, but two peoples’ bad day (victim and perp), with millions more! People make mistakes, everyone has a dark side – and Team Takei lies in wait to expose the ONE time a person fucks up to make sure that person’s name will never recover. Who’s gonna hire you after the millions of times Team Takei + Followers have shared that one time you got angry, perhaps rightly so, perhaps because you’re going through a rough patch and can’t cope, or perhaps because you were raised wrong, and “Faggot” left your lips? And who cares if a person having a curse fest and losing their shit is mentally ill and suffering immensely from their own lack of control – share the fuck out of their mishap and make sure to make them look like the bad guy!
You don’t question why a person fucks up. You just happily copypaste the link to the shaming article – when have peoples’ bad moments even become worthy of writing down??? – and add a witty pun for all to tear apart.
Yes, people are responsible for their own behaviour. But first of all, some people legitimately cannot control the latter. You wouldn’t shame an incontinent person pissing on a bus seat, so why not question “crazy” behaviour before judging the person? Second, everyone has bad days. Depending on circumstances, the most wonderful person can slip and make a horrible impression – and that’s what goes online to represent all of that person, their life, their character? What happened to forgiveness? Most of those shaming articles are about the victim being emotionally hurt to a degree it takes little more than a day to recover from. No suicidal thoughts, no loss of job or reputation. Petty offenses of sensitivities, even if with a dash of bigrotry, are not the next Holocaust. There is a world of difference between calling a lesbian a dyke and walking away, and beating her up while calling her a dyke. I used to be called names for being fat, where are my social justice warriors? Oh wait, that’s right, hurtful words aren’t exactly newsworthy.

Listen. I recently got severely annoyed with an usher at the movies. I knew the guy and we were NOT friendly, and he was being difficult on purpose while in the wrong. So at some point, I said, “Ugh, drop dead” (note: in my country, this degree of rudeness is no big deal) and walked past him. He lost it. He started kicking my bag all over the place, and when I yelled at him “WTF are you doing, asshole?!” he also physically assaulted me. If his fists didn’t connect, it was only because three colleagues were dragging him away. They proceeded to lie to the manager that I’d assaulted him first, and I was removed from the theatre.
My boyfriend had been with me. And then he dumped me. Because just as you and the articles you share, he did not ask why it happened, if I may be going through a bad time, feel ill, deal with fears, KNOW THE PERSON I CLASHED WITH, you know, things severely affecting my mood so I behave in a way you wouldn’t know me to. He only saw it happen and judged me an out-of-control monster. No questions asked. Because a person I was on bad terms with, tried my patience I had none of on that day of PMS, broken utilities in my apartment (had to travel two hours to shour every day and couldn’t clean a house full of pets), and 2 special needs foster puppies chewing up my already raw nerves.
Your name-and-shame articles might as well be about me. There would be no mention of all the good things I’m doing, all the hard things I’m dealing with, just this one stupid thing I did out of character. They world would be laughing at me, sharing my face, and obviously adding mean comments about my weight, and you’d be enabling them and feel all good about yourself.

Because ruining a person’s reputation forever is totally appropriate punishment (and totally yours to bestow) for a rude comment.

Because of one bad day, after having had nothing but good times those articles would never mention, where I donated what little money I have to refugees, rescued puppies and kittens, been a good girlfriend, lunged at thugs harassing a Muslim woman, protected sex workers from rapists for puny tips if that, gave blood and made care packages during times of war, played bodyguard to scared Palestinian children wanting to play safely outside, and helped out newbies at a shop I was illegally fired from in my spare time. But what does the world judge me for? What do you name and shame me for? One bad day you don’t ask the makings of. It never occurs to you that a person insulting someone else may have had previous beef with them, eh? People just insult each other outta the blue all the time, right?
That day was among the worst days of my life because a lot of bad things piling up in it, a lot of stress, bending over backwards to help everyone while struggling to take care of myself, eventually saw me lacking the patience to smile at a vindictive acquaintance. You would share something like “Crazy fat woman tells underpaid usher to die while enjoying her privilege to see movies, gets dumped as Karma marches in”.

It’s not because these days everyone has a voice, that everyone should be screaming at the top of their lungs about everything that left an impression that day. People are flawed and will be not-nice. Some people are mentally ill or non-neurotypical and cannot help it. Some people come from a long series of misfortune and pain and have no patience left in them on that one stupid moment someone happens to be bored enough to video them. And some people need to learn – in a way their lesson has worth, ie. their lives not being ruined by social media quite yet.
You have a Smartphone, so you’re a reporter. On Diply. Distractify. Whatever these platforms are called. It sucks not to tip a waitress – but on the other hand, in many cultures tipping is considered a reward for exceptional service, not for just doing your job. That’s what your salary is for, however low. Am I ignorant? No. I make $5 an hour, 6 days a week, if I find work at all. Your kid is differently abled. That sucks. But that doesn’t mean you need to mobilize the online army to destroy everyone who smirked at him. You’re transgender? Cool, that doesn’t mean your fashion choices are any more immune to commentary than are a cisgender person’s.
You know how blunt people in Israel are? I’m being called a “whore of the Arabs” all the time for not limiting my sex life to Jewish encounters. Comments on my weight. Demands of how I should look and act in terms of being a woman. Comments on my looks beyond weight, judging me for being 33 and childless/single, and oh the abuse I get for being an anti-occupation leftists, and oh the abuse I get for being a native Israeli and hence an inherent murderer of Palestinian children. Are you seeing me bitch and whine on Diply while a bus ride from my home, people are being bombed? OMG someone called me a fatty, OMG someone said my special needs dog should be put down, SO WHAT I just retaliate with an even nastier comment, and that is the end of it. MOVE THE FUCK ON.
You are not victims of great injustices deserving millions be sicced like hounds upon the person who has committed a minor offense against you. Someone calls you a faggot? Call him a subhuman piece of trash, case closed, why should people get away with cussing each other out, including fat people (we’re fair game, after all), but the LGBTQ and differently abled are exempt? Your parenting was commented on? Well, find their sore spot, poke it, and move on! Someone didn’t like how you looked in that godawful dress? BOOHOO, YOU LIKE IT – ISN’T THAT GOOD ENOUGH!?!?!?!
Enough with the “articles” on social media asking for shares and shaming the culprit. While y’all bitching about these minor human fuck-ups, you could volunteer with the elderly, with special needs children, or at the local pet shelter. Your holier-than-thou asses could drop buying game credit or booze or LootCrate for a day and donate that to feed the needy. But no, there y’all are, playing victim of great cruelty for being called a fatty, a fag, or a retard, for having your dress or your parenting criticized or because someone didn’t tip you, and screaming for people to avenge you. People are bullied into suicide, people are raped, made homeless by greed and petty vindictiveness, neglected by the health system, murdered, disenfranchized, minorities are oppressed, and you waste your time and anger on “Someone told my son he couldn’t wear a tiara, so here is me blubbering fake tears at my front camera about what a great dad I am for telling them he can, now make sure that person gets fired and be unable to feed their children”.

The last part, seriously, think about it. Naming and shaming people over things that are, if we’re honest, minor, can get them unemployed. Unemployment is devastating – was their offense? Really? Does their life need to be ruined, their family broken up, because of one fuck-up that had no such effect by a long shot?

Seriously, you have followings of millions. Meaning you have reach. Influence. Power. And you are using it to hurt people for their minor, flawed-human fuck-ups. The world would be an amazing place would you use your reach and influence to spread topics of relevance, like the refugee crisis, needless deaths in Africa because nobody donates, the trophy hunting industry making our lions disappear, pollution that is destroying our planet, or true oppression of minorities such as the LGBTQ and not “OMG ppl laughed at him 4 wearing a dress, SHARE SHARE SHARE!”.
But, well, here you are, sharing posts that shame people out of their jobs and into potential homelessness/losing custody/suicide because they had a bad day and could have just been given the trust to apologize or at least feel bad as they would have before the internet. Call-out culture is getting out of control and targeting the weak because the big ones are scary – and you are enabling it.

Please think about that. Sincerely.

Oy, Feminism. Keep it real.

22 Oct

I am a feminist in that I believe that the war on women, and our oppression, discrimination, exploitation, and underappreciation, is real. I am a feminist because I believe that there is no reason why genders, binary and beyond, should experience differences in how they are valued or treated.

As such, I enjoy reading Everyday Feminism because it struck me as a non-misandric, non-angry-rape-victim-lashing out, forum where feminism was promoted and represented in an intelligent way that is beneficial to all. Not like some “feminists” who hurt all of feminism for overtly trying to “get back” at men, declaring all men pigs, all coarse language “rape culture,” and…. oh wait. Did I just say I liked Everyday Feminism because it’s not one of those whiny excessive victim forums where even coarse language is accused of glorifying rape culture?

Well, Everyday Feminism just screwed the pooch here if you ask me. I know you don’t, but I’ll explain anyway because I don’t care about your opinion or appreciation of mine. I don’t even know who I am addressing, so screw your pooch, too. Which is, by the way, contrary to what the author of said article claims, not a threat of sexual violence. I am not announcing to screw your pooch. I am telling you to do that, and not expecting you to obey. Seriously, please don’t go beastiality on your poor goggie.

I just woke up from a late afternoon nap and to force my eyes open, I checked the glaring screen that holds Facebook on my phone. First thing I see? Everyday Feminism making Everyday Swearing all about rape. Now calling someone to go fuck themselves, or saying we had to force ourselves to get a job done, perpetuates rape culture. Ooooooooooookay?

Let me get this straight. By the same logic, am I proselytyzing for Christianity by saying “Jesus Christ, that’s expensive!”? Am I promoting Satanism by saying “Oooh you’re such a cheeky li’l devil!”? Am I a Nazi supporter for telling someone who decided to pig out on beans that he’s gassing me? Do I abuse my dogs just because sometimes I call them stinking curs?
But I am perpetuating rape culture by not watching my tongue with sexually-tinted swearing?

And let’s take a look at the exact examples, shall we?

“Go fuck yourself/Fuck you” – Fucking oneself can’t be rape. You can’t really do something to yourself that you don’t consent to. Mental illness is another issue I’m not getting into. Also, I would fuck myself all day long if I could.

“Force yourself to do something” – And since when has forcing someone or oneself, become exclusively sexual? This is where their article lost my respect. I read all of it because I can’t really respond to something I didn’t study, but this part is where I decided that the writer is being ridiculous and I no longer wish to write or otherwise work for that blog as I had once hoped to. I have to force the door open – am I raping it? I had to force myself to cram math. Was I raping myself? I had to force the poop out of my constipated kitten, let’s not go there. It’s like making the term “to cook” all about meth. What the..?

“Hit on someone” – Oh. And I guess calling a popular song a hit is also rape culture now. And hitting people is also all about sexual violence, I suppose. Even when it’s in self-defense. Don’t hit that ball, you’re raping it! And when you start spanking – aka hitting – my ass while fucking me, stop, because that’d be rape. Oh wait, I want you to spank me. But don’t, that’s rape. Anything with “hit” in it, is rape culture now.

“Suck it” – Okay, this is probably exclusively referring to sucking dick. Penises have long been a symbol of manliness which in turn was/is a symbol of power. I can see where this could make sense but it’s still reaching to make this comeback about perpetuating and normalizing “rape culture”. After all, any sex and gender can suck dick, not just women, and many if not most people, suck dick willingly. Sucking dick is still regarded as kinda dirty and low, and I guess that is where the comeback stems from – do something icky to yourself. It in no way implies to have that dick forced down your throat against your will, which would be rape. It’s the same meaning as “Go to hell” – wishing discomfort or lowliness upon someone without really meaning the literal thing as anyone with half a brain knows Hell doesn’t exist and nobody can be reasonably expected to go seek a dick to suck just for being told to in anger. Even a woman with a man in a bed doesn’t have to suck it – and hence experiences no sexual violence – when her partner tells her to. Is she committing sexual violence by telling him to do something in bed? So why is he? She can also tell him to suck it himself, with little to no consequence in most cases, because in most cases, it is another shallow, meaningless profanity. If you’re like the author of that article, you can find disturbing meanings in everything, really. Maybe even disturbing origins. But just because the Jews originated from the Middle East, doesn’t mean that the mass emigration of Russian Jewish converts to Israel makes much sense. Just because medication was created by torturing human and animal, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be using it today. Origins and their deeper meanings fade. Deal with it.

None of these profanities, contrary to what the article claims, represent “threats of sexual assault”. The article further says that using such language desensitizes us to sexual violence and shapes the way we see our world, ie. tolerant of sexual violence. What the fuck. If it were up to me, all sex offenders would be shot in the throat and left to bleed out just slowly enough to think about why they deserve it. Most people I know harshly condemn sexual violence, including a distant relative of mine who is constantly heard saying things like:
“Who wanna suck me off?”
“If I do that, they gon rape me.”
“If you don’t stop that, imma fuck you.”
Now, the difference between a woman and a whiny little bitch, is how this is perceived. I am a woman and have experienced sexual violence in abundance. I got the fuck over it. How? By not making everything that even remotely involves “dick” or “fuck” about sexual trauma. And this guy’s vulgar language. Does. Not. Bother. Me. I find it funny, to be honest. Means I don’t need to watch my tongue, and he says it with the biggest grin. I love coming up with just as vulgar comebacks. Rape culture? First of all, things like “Who wanna blow me?” indicate he’s looking for volunteers, not victims, and secondly, does any sane adult around here think for a second that he means any of it? When I say “Shit”, am I referring to actual faeces? When I say “Oh my God!”, am I a theist? When I say “Asshole”, do I honestly believe that the target of the insult is a smelly brown little bodily orifce that excretes shit? I never even knew what a “douchebag” literally is when I started calling people that.

And as for “shaping our world”… Intelligent people (unintelligent ones I refuse to take into account as I believe that what sets us apart from beasts and makes us human, is our superior intelligence that earned us our species’ name) should realize and internalize that our language does NOT determine our views. Just because I’m usually polite doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of disdain for the largely primitive and simpleton people around me. Neither does my using sexual foul language indicate that I am tolerant of sexual violence. It’s like saying that playing violent video games makes you a mass shooter. I say “Sieg Heil!” or “Heil Hitler” for fun. I’m Jewish. I am against genocide. I’ve alienated many friends protesting the war in Gaza and Israel’s treatment of Arabs. I even went vegan in a protest against violence and slaughter.
If one leads to the other, then something has always been wrong with you and it’s not your language/video games. If you grow tolerant of rape (culture) because of sexually tinted coarse language, then the language is only the final straw and you have always been seeking excuses to tolerate rape or rape culture. Language alone never shapes us, ever. It also rarely reflects our attitudes. Being polite doesn’t make you nice, using soccer mom speak (“Oh gosh that is adorable, amazing!”) doesn’t make you truly loving, and using sexual swear words doesn’t make you an Apostle of Rape. I have experienced most sexual violence or harassment from very sweet and smooth tongues.

Also, while males can obviously be victims of sexual violence, it’s most often male-on-female. Yet things like “Fuck you” or “I’m gonna fuck you up” is most often heard in male-on-male exchanges. And being “prompted” to “suck it” is quite far removed from rape – after all, a prompt is of no consequence since you can usually turn it down. You are not given that option when raped. “Oh, please don’t rape me today.” – “Okay, bye”. Nope.

And if – if – any of the sexually infused coarse language were indeed referring to rape (although after making “forcing oneself” about rape, I’m so done with that whole argument) then one would not have to make a bigger deal out of it than of asshole, bitch, idiot, moron, retard, or…

“How ignorant you gotta be to believe any of this? You need to slit your wrists, skip this, and go jump off a bridge.”

-Hollywood Undead

Now, let’s look at a couple of selected claims.

Notice certain people that tend to trigger this language? Revaluate your relationship, or at the very least, ask them to hold you accountable for what you say.

LOL wut? Other than their actions, no, there is no pattern. And the only pattern in their actions is that they’re fucking annoying and I will happily interchange “Fuck you” with “Go to hell” or “Go make snow angels in a mine field” or even “May Hamas slit your mother’s throat”. Where’s the sexual violence in that? It’s all merely a brief expression of anger with no consequence unless you choose to dwell on it.
Traffic participants scream “Fuck you” at the driver who ran a red light, I tell my dog to “suck my dick” for chewing up my shoes, and I’m not thinking sex, much less rape, when “forcing myself” to clean the litter boxes. Unless you’re from a very apple pie society, it doesn’t take certain feelings or people to trigger coarse language of ANY kind. I’m in the Middle East. People here have no patience and little class (sorry guys, it’s true). If I were to take all those curses seriously, I’d have to wear iron knickers with a 12 digit lock and put my mother under 24/7 police protection because everyone is constantly cursing someone’s mother(‘s vagina). And I’m pretty sure most of those people who scream abuse about fucking, peoples’ mothers’ vaginas, and dicks, would enjoy seeing rapists dangling from what little trees we have.

Along with changing yourself, you also probably want to change other people’s use of sexually violent language, too. After all, isn’t that what activism is all about?

And don’t forget to tell them to accept the lord and savior Jesus Christ into your life. Sexual violence isn’t gonna end by swearing fuck-lessly. Ever had a good look at Japanese porn and Japan’s overall depiction of women in the media? And do they sex-swear? Don’t be silly.

Think about a time when someone said or did something that was problematic and you did nothing. How did it make you feel and why didn’t you intervene?

If it was just dirty language, I GOT THE FUCK OVER IT. If I didn’t, it was more than coarse language or I was PMSing and everything upset me. If you don’t get over “problematic” language that does not specifically and deliberately push your personal buttons (“Nigger” to a black person, “Faggot to a gay one, or “Whale” to a fat person, or even “shitty mother” to someone who had a miscarriage, for example), then you’re the one with a problem. You think I’m gonna dwell on all the times I have been told to go fuck myself, suck some dick, or get bent? Psycho much? Dwell on your real problems. The ones that really hold you down. Seriously, I am extremely sensitive and thin-skinned, but “Fuck yourself”/”Suck my dick”? Really? Such boring profanities are supposed to bother me? Go kill some actual rapists and their “What was she wearing”-advocates!

It’s likely that you were taken off guard and didn’t know how to react. I know I’ve been in plenty of situations like this myself, and I would spend days thinking of witty responses that I shouldhave used.

What, is this article specifically targeted at “special” kids? Off guard? Cute! Someone tells you to fuck yourself? Tell them to provide the tools! Someone tells you to suck it? Tell them you wish they had something to suck! How does that take days? And why would you even be upset and dwelling on it for days just because of a garden variety curse phrase? Come on! Get a life. You dwell on “Fuck you” and your regret for not having had a witty comeback ready? You have 99 problems, and all of them is you. You’re a strong, liberated woman, ey? So be strong and free and allow yourself to move the fuck on from a curse word. Nobody’s stopping you. Oh wait. You are.

You could pull the responsible person aside after a group conversation and explain to them why that kind of language makes you uncomfortable. You could even Facebook message with the person about it, if you don’t want to speak face-to-face.

Grrrmpf hahaha oh god, that’s embarassing. “Listen, you used a garden variety, boringly typical, and over-used swearing phrase that has lost its impact decades ago; this upsets me very much. We need to talk.” Quite the insult to people who have been exposed to the very tangible difference between sexual swearing, and real sexual violence. How about you also go and stage an intervention, bake some apple pie too, because someone said “Fuck you”, and tell them all about the history of correctional rape, witch burning, and doctor Mengele? GTFO.

If you want to avoid this altogether, maybe consider telling your close friends and/or family about your quest to eliminate sexually violent language from your speech and ask them not to use it in your presence.

So now everyone has to bend over backwards to accomodate your individual sensitivities, yes? Okay, I hereby demand my friends and family no longer assume I love and accept them just the way they are including the perhaps offensive, yet not actually, tangibly harmful way they talk, and stop mentioning God in any shape, form, or fashion, because I think religion is bullshit and a mental illness and I don’t want that unintelligent, unmodern, anti-progress shit around me! So guys, no more talking about God in my presence! Oh wait, does that mean I’ll no longer be invited for Passover dinner? Shit. Fuck me.
No. You don’t get to dictate how others get to express themselves. You get to choose whether or not you wish to remain around them. If they bother you, get the fuck off their case and go look for an entourage that suits you better. That shit is like telling your overweight partner to lose some weight because you don’t find them attractive fat. Leave them the fuck alone to be who they have always had a right to be regardless of your highness’ preferences.
Language may offend, but this thoughtless, shallow cursing has killed nobody. Rape does harm. Rape is hands-on, real, tangible, dangerous, and rightly considered a horrific crime. Coarse language is nothing other than unclassy speech unless you’re a whiny little bitch with no real issues to focus on.

When she has sex, her worth decreases. When he has sex, his worth increases.

This model is obviously sexist.

It also enforces stereotypes and defines sexuality based on propriety. This is precisely where“he’s a stud and she’s a slut” originates.

I agree with all of this, yet not within the context of sexual swearing. Sexual swearing doesn’t discriminate between men and women when it’s about things like “Fuck you”, “Suck it”, etc. They are sexist when one specific gender is the butt of the joke. But two buddies telling each other to suck it?

Since women’s sexuality is based on a value judgment of her worth, and certain types of women are worth more than others, victims of rape are often blamed for the crimes committed against them.

Since men are encouraged to have many partners, and are thought to have uncontrollable“urges,” they are often given a free pass for the crimes that they commit.

This is also the basis of the cause of the erasure of people of other identities experiencing rape; victims come from all identities, although the majority of rapists are men.

Yes, yes, that is true, but again… how does “Fuck you” come into this? Especially since fucking oneself is fun… Or would be, if feasible… Sex is seen as a vulgar and icky thing by many, to be discussed and practiced in private, and hence it’s used in negative context such as swearing. “Fuck you” et al don’t come with connotations of gender dominance. They simply do not. Same for violence beyond verbal abuse which also includes “Drop dead” or “Retard”.

And this leads us back to language: We threaten rape and sexual violation so often because of this stigma.

Language like “f*ck you” and “suck my d*ck” is rape-permitting and normalizes sexual violence. It creates a society that is full of rape myths and rape, even though we never talk about it. It creates rape culture.

Oh please. That’s like accepting the lord and savior Jesus Christ by saying “Jesus, I can’t with this!” and I am saying this over and over reading that absurd, reaching, overdramatic article. “Fuck you” or “Suck my dick” also aren’t threats. They are prompts that can usually be ignored without consequence. A threat is “I’ll fuck you”, or “I’ll feed you my dick”. Yes, phrasing matters. A lot.

And finally but importantly, context. It’s always all about context. There is a difference between saying “Suck my dick” just as you are about to rape someone, and saying “Suck my dick” to dismiss a dumb encounter. There is a difference between making a blonde joke among people who can laugh about it, and in front of a blonde girl who is insecure about her stereotype. There is a difference between a disgruntled shopper saying “That merchant is greedy like a Jew” and a Gestapo officer saying that to reinforce his “reasons” for executing a Jewish business owner. It’s like the difference between saying “Shit!” to point out where the dog pooped so nobody steps in it, and saying “Shit!” when you tell your friend what you think about their new look.

I’m really disappointed to see Everyday Feminism frantically reach for discussion fodder by making everything about victims and people taking their sensitivities too seriously. It’s like HuffPost Gay Voices turning every time someone says “Fag” into a headline with 2 pages worth of naming and shaming and invoking absolute drama and apocalyptic fears of persecution and hanging and Holocaust and Nazis riding dinosaurs. LGBT discrimination is as real as rape culture, but neither is fought by tearing into everyone with a foul mouth.

Calm the fuck down.

Criticizing Gay Pride Aspects…

22 Jun

…apparently makes me a filthy homophobe.

Anyone who knows me, knows I support the equality movement. I think the LGBT deserve the same civil and human rights, privileges, and burdens, as everyone else. If it can pay taxes, it can marry.

What I do not understand, are 2 phenomena I saw at the Tel Aviv Pride and many other gay events and establishments:

  • Free condoms everywhere
  • A blatant excess in public soft-porn and fetishism, things that belong in private regardless of orientation or occasion.

Condoms are used to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases or intrauterine parasites such as babies. HIV is, statistically, rampant among homosexual men. So it makes sense to encourage homosexual men to use condoms. BUT what I don’t get, and what I’m surprised those homosexuals aren’t tremendously offended by, is how thousands of free condoms are thrown at gay people during gay events.

Let me elaborate why this should offend homosexuals. Because it would offend blacks if police were distributing free padlocks to people during a black event. Because the other stereotype about gay men, other than the HIV statistic and effeminate behaviorism, is that they stick it everywhere, uncontrollably, and more promiscuously than a whore on heroin.

Isn’t the distribution of free condoms specifically for gays basically saying:

Here you go, you over-sexed faggots, because you’re such uncontrollable animals that you either weren’t responsible enough to bring your own damned condoms, or you’ll have used them all up by the time you’re halfway through the parade, and also, you are too damned instinct-driven to wait to fuck your partner once you’re back home where your condoms are.

Seriously, what does it say that people feel a need to give free condoms specifically to homosexuals? Doesn’t it imply that unless given the safety for free by a mindful third party, they don’t have the common sense and responsibility to bring their own condoms or take their partner home where there are condoms? When I go out to have fun, I always carry around 4 to 6 condoms. Yeah, I’m a baaaaaaaad girl. LOL.

I know most homosexuals are not like that. But the condom-throwing implies nothing else than the assumption that they can’t be trusted not to screw around without someone else giving them condoms for free.

Then the public fuckery thing… People have accused me of wanting LGBT to stay “invisible and closeted”. This is not true. What is true, is that I don’t understand why LGBT people on such events insist on being given MORE liberties than straight people when it comes to public indecencies. I have nothing against anyone kissing, holding hands, or grabbing a bit of ass in public, but the only difference between some of the stuff I’ve seen at the Pride and full-blown porn is that Pride attendees were still wearing some underwear while crotch-grabbing, leg-licking, and tit-pulling in public. There aren’t a whole lot of “non-LGBT” events where straight people are encouraged or normal to behave like horny animals, (and if I were to ever see one such event where public sex isn’t even the official point of it, I will criticize it as well), so why do the LGBT insist on making such a huge display of a degree of physical affection that is not unacceptable because they’re gay, but because it’s unacceptable from anyone? Isn’t that asking for special treatment rather than equality?

Also, why does an event that allegedly only advocates love, acceptance, tolerance, and inclusion, need to degenerate into public orgies? Is it about showing confidence and self-love (“pride”, though I’d think pride is something you feel for an achievement, not for what you happen to be), or about provoking people by shoving your sex life in their faces? Straight people don’t do it, why do gay people have to? Again, most of the people I saw at the Pride were not behaving like this, just as the condom thing, but the overall impression the Pride was making, was not: “We’re gay and we deserve to belong” but rather “We’re gay, so we can’t stop doing it and you’ll just have to watch”. The only line they didn’t cross, was exposing genitalia. But grabbing them through the pants, suuuure, go right ahead, right here where kids are watching.

Hello – sexuality (being gay) and sex (having gay sex) are not the same. You are always (homo)sexual. You are sexual when you sit on a bench waiting for the bus. It’s your natural state of being when you’re an adult. Now, is the Gay Pride about accepting sexuality (the constant, inherent, being of homo-, bi-, trans-sexual), or about forcing people to deal with sex on the beach, the sidewalk, the coffee shop, etc? Why not just be openly homosexual rather than openly horny, why all this humping-for-the-camera, why all this near-nudity, etc.? It’s not LGBT-specific, so why this combo – straight people also do fetishes, strip clubs, promiscuous mindless fucking, etc. They just don’t take it to the streets but keep their sex lives where they belong – private. It is not “closeted” or “invisible” for gays to do the same. It’s called common fucking decency.

And knowing that most LGBT people do indeed behave even at Pride events, I think these two things are detrimental to the equality movement. Because both of them send the wrong message, the message that LGBT people are all about practical sex all day long, with all that moves. Or else, why the need for free condoms – aren’t they responsible adults who can either bring their own or keep it in their pants? Why the huge display of nudity and grinding crotches?

All my LGBT friends love sex, some like it weird. A gay friend of mine and I had a blast at an erotics convention, but – this is the big but – this convention, with its grinding, nudity, licking, etc. was held behind closed doors so people who wanted no live porn didn’t have to watch any. Seems  reasonable, straight AND gay. And all of them are fully clothed in public and behave like civilized adults. The same goes for all the heterosexuals I know. Why does the definition of “fun” at a Gay Pride Parade need to degenerate into public fuckery, rather than saving that for some private/indoor “after party”? Have your orgies, but not in public. Is all I’m asking.

I accept that you’re gay. I do not accept that I would have to cover my child’s eyes during certain public events. I don’t care if you’re a man sticking it in a woman, or a woman eating another woman, you don’t do that in public, and I don’t care if you think that some parade is your excuse for what boils down to indecent exposure. French-kiss your same- or opposite-sex partner(s) till your tongues fall off, but for anything more than that, get a fucking room.

That said, I think a friend of mine put it wisely when he made a distinction between homosexuals and gay culture. Homosexuals are people who are born homosexual as gingers are born ginger and blacks are born black. Nothing wrong with it, and nothing to do about it. It’s their natural state of being. This needs to be accepted just like blacks, fats, gingers, and short people should be.
However, gay culture is something else. Just as you can be black and not listen to hiphop or throw spears at animals, which are stereotypical black culture things, you can be gay and still wear a bit more than a silver thong. And public displays of affection only need to be tolerated to a certain extent, which is the exact same one as is tolerated from heterosexuals. Just as Islamic culture sees a line drawn at face-obscuring headwear in countries where facial identifiability in public is law, the tolerance for gay culture has no obligation to cover public indecency if straight people are expected to refrain from it. I’m pretty sure you can be gay and happy and not lick your partner’s inner thigh in public. Straight people sure manage.