Tag Archives: loss

Women’s Freedom in the West

9 Feb

Which woman is less oppressed, people ask, the one in the Israeli Olympic parade, or the one leading the Iranian team? The Israeli lady features bare thighs, the Iranian features bare nothing.

So obviously, the Israeli woman is a symbol for freedom and women’s rights, right?

Wrong.

Actually, people saying that the Iranian dress is oppressive and putting females in any kind of unfavorable or objectified position, aren’t really thinking. They seem to just grab anything that can reinforce their negative views on Islam in order to feel better about wherever they live.

You can be smart and successful all you want, if you’re an ugly female, that will still be more interesting to others. Or, best case scenario: “for someone so ugly, she’s got a good thing going”. 

ALL cultures objectify women. ALL cultures somehow make sure women look and dress in a way that pleases men and society. ALL cultures want women to be the object of pleasure and approval of some sort. You think the weightloss craze really worries about our health? No. Otherwise it’d address men equally. And think a bit further – when weightloss geared towards women is advertized, it’s usually about looking nice in a bikini or this and that outfit, or “for him”. Yes, you have the choice to disregard all the objectifying beauty demands, but we all know how fat or otherwise “ugly” (not conforming to beauty ideals) women are regarded and treated. Lovely choice we have here, huh. Either suffer to look pleasant, or be disregarded.
Do you think women in Israel would be wearing 12 centimeter shorts that almost make their labia majora pop out if it weren’t considered “sexy”? It’s not the heat, really, a long flowing skirt would actually keep them cooler than tight “hot pants” or “jorts”. Do you think the 2 tons of make-up that Israeli women tend to wear, all the hair dressing booths in the malls, the gigantic makeup departments, do you think those aren’t there to “help” women do their “job” and be pretty in the eye of the beholder? The Israeli woman in the picture is wearing a skirt with a seductive opening up her thigh, very close to the inside, for no reason other than her being a woman and her task being looking good and making the Israeli team look good. And that is the essence of objectification. The same reason – looking good and making who you represent look good – is behind the Iranian woman not showing skin. Both dress the way their culture says is pleasing.
Because while in Israel and other western(-ish) cultures women are supposed to look sexy and share the pleasure of that view, in Iran women are supposed to look modest and share the pleasure of that. Both cultures put woman in a spot where their main task is to please others. Even manners apply to women differently than to males. Women don’t fart, no, we also don’t poop, oh no, and we certainly do not talk about it because it’s not pleasant or pretty for us to do so. Men? “Duuuuuuuuude I just took a dump your mom’s size!”.
Why else are women in Israel exploited for commercials, advertizing, marketing etc. NO LESS than in other western(-ish) countries? Why are there half-naked or otherwise attractively presented women on every other billboard? Why is Bar Rafaeli one of the first things you see on the Ayalon? Because, in Israel too, the freedom of the female is an illusion and a ploy to make her WANT to fit into society’s expectations and demands. In the west, this is being pleasantly sexy, in Islamic countries, this is modesty. But in both countries, women, once they leave the privacy of their homes, are expected to look pleasant. THAT is why we are always told to lose weight (except in the breasts!), have hair extensions, dye our hair, get our nails done, wear this, wear that, black women relax their hair and are told to bleach their skin, and if you come dressed skimpily to the club to attract more male customers to buy drinks, admission is, of course, free for girls.

We women spend ridiculous amounts of time getting ready for as little as going to the supermarket, because we hate not looking good in public. We sigh with relief and comfort when, in the privacy of our homes, the bra and the half ton of makeup and the heels come off. Why do we wear all that if it’s so uncomfortable? If the best feeling is all that landing in a corner so we can crawl into our jammies, belch, fart, and put our feet on the table once no one’s watching?
This is NOT natural. This is conditioned. Women EVERYWHERE are conditioned from early childhood to always be pleasant. In Israel no less than elsewhere, are women who “don’t take care of their appearance” or who dress in certain ways, looked down upon and gossiped about. And in Israel, too, religious Jewish women and girls cover up every inch of skin. Many do so no more willingly than the “poor” Muslim women. Let’s not forget there are neighborhoods in Israel where a woman showing a bare thigh can get spat at or disowned and beaten by her family. Because everywhere, a woman’s main task seems to be earning society’s approval by being pretty and pleasant. A woman could find the cure for cancer and still not get the respect she deserves if she were to let her facial hair grow wild, be fat, shave her head bald, and wear unflattering clothes. The response all over (social) media would be: “Cool but she needs to shave that shit”. A man would get away with it. Men are measured by their achievements, their words, and their actions. Nobody has a problem with ugly, old or fat male Hollywood actors, but women? Face lifts, boob jobs, nose jobs, and rigorous diets and fitness, or the career. Is. Over. Women are judged by their appearance first and foremost. Everywhere.

Women aren’t free anywhere. Not in Israel, not in Iran, not in the US, not in Japan, not anywhere. Women are ALWAYS expected to please the local views. Women are always objectified. And as we can see by the comments here, a lot of them don’t even realize it. Oh, you’re applauded for wearing jorts and a crop top? Yeah, ever occurred to you that that is because you’re giving people what they want and making yourself the object of their pleasure? No girl wakes up one morning and decides to dress like they do in Amsterdam’s redlight district. She has seen it somewhere, presented as a desirable way to look if you want to be considered sexy, pretty, or attractive. Because if those 3 aren’t your main priorities as a woman, nobody pays attention to you. Susan Boyle “failed” because, while being an amazing singer, she was ugly. Adele is a great musician but her weight is more important to the media. Angela Merkel is a strong leader with balls and authority, but people only ever talk about her shitty looks. Miley Cyrus is a kinda okay singer but if she wants to keep selling, well, off go the clothes. Britney Spears’ career was dead when she shaved her head and gained weight. Gabourey Sidibe is a great actress, but she’s fat so her acting isn’t half as interesting to reporters as how she looks in some dress. Madonna has made a tremendous life’s work, but her year is summerized by interest in her flabby old skin. Girls are given Barbies and other whorish dolls for inspiration, and what is Barbie? A dumb blonde who is impossibly thin, ridiculously shallow, and all about a pleasant outside. Models are considered fat if they don’t have a 10 inch thigh gap. Models and celebs are photoshopped to death before their faces are printed, because god forbid the woman has flaws. And we women are all expected to try our hardest to look like that. Spend as much money on beauty as possible, and busy and distract ourselves with attempts to become prettier and thinner and smoother and younger-looking 24/7 because men can no longer commit us to the nuthouse when we suddenly start having opinions and ambitions. Oh, did I mention women often get paid less than men in similar or identical positions?

Yeah, women in the west are sooooooooo freeeeeeeeeee. LOL keep telling yourselves that.

 

Advertisements

What’s your excuse?

9 Jan

Nobody should get to body-shame. Nobody gets to decree what a correct body is. Nobody gets to tell someone that they are abusing or disrespecting themselves just for not obsessing over fitness and being slim. And you know what? I’m not buying “concern” when it’s in the form of hating, bullying, and shaming. After all, they are not shaming and harassing smokers, anorexics, or other people with an unhealthy lifestyle. And even if there are health concerns? NONE OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS.

Certainly no reason to be mean.

And fitness supplements tend to be unhealthy, too. There are healthy obese people; I am one of them. Fit women do not need to glorify themselves by putting down others. If they can’t shine without throwing shade on fat women, that says more about them than it does about us. I sure don’t go around shaming fit or slim women; I intend to live and let live – and demand to BE let live.

There’s something “subtly” hateful about those motivation pictures of “before and after” budybuilding women with captions such as “What’s your excuse?”. The pictures tell you to stop looking one way (fat), and start looking the other (toned), and not to make excuses.

So you need an excuse to feel comfortable in your current body? Who are those “motivation” people to tell you what body to feel good in? I have believed it for so long, I believed they were right and the way I looked was incorrect, and that I “owed” it to myself to feel shitty about being fat. Why does a healthy overweight person need to make excuses or feel compelled to “get toned” in the first place? Even if they’re not healthy, it’s none of anybody’s business – plus, fit people get sick, too. Who’s to say that “firm and toned” is correct, and “fat and soft” isn’t? Doctors? Well, doctors will tell you that health is not just an issue of size and that some fat is actually healthy. Much unlike a lot of fitness supplements that can literally eat holes into your brain. I mean, what makes you think you should, daily, consume something that says “Do not use if you’re pregnant, nursing, old, young, fast heartrate, slow heartrate, epileptic, etc.”? Does that sound better than a burger? Really?
Why am I even made to feel like I need an excuse? Why can’t I just be the way I am without feeling guilty or embarassed or like I’m not treating myself right? And even if I were mistreating myself, how does that entitle others to diss me?

Why are people trying to tell me to feel guilty about not doing much about my weight? It’s not like I’m not trying at all, but I refuse to obsess over it anymore. And my only issue is the cellulite anyway. Otherwise, I’m quite okay being big. Why are women told to obsess about their appearance and feel bad when they don’t fit such and such ideal? Why do we have to feel like we deserve the hate we’re getting? Who are we hurting or offending by being big or soft? Nobody is telling ugly-faced women to get a nose job, nobody is telling small-breasted women to get a boob job, nobody is telling short women to have leg extension surgery and God forbid anyone were to tell a woman with kinky hair to straighten it. I mean, it is all well-marketed industries, but not as aggressive and omnipresent – and hateful – as the weight issue. You don’t see accusing and holier-than-thou pictures with the caption “What is your excuse” depicting a woman before and after facelift. Oh, so working out is more honest/healthy/real than surgery? Sure, especially with all those supplements…. And why do methods matter anyway? I don’t feel guilty about having had multiple procedures done. Why should I? Worked for me, all the belly went POOF in a matter of hours.

I’m fat and I’m healthy, and the only reason I’m not “fat and happy”, is because all the hate I get for being fat while I can’t remember having done anything to deserve it. Fat hate will be justified the day that “receding hairline” hate, “ugly nose” hate, “pudgy fingers” hate, “kinky hair” hate, or “short teeth” hate is justified. But you don’t see anyone hating that to this degree. Oh, so fat isn’t natural but big foreheads are? Well how about this: some are naturally predisposed to be heavier. And supplements are natural? Shaming people on Facebook is natural? Coloring your hair is natural? To hell with the natural argument, it’s invalid, nobody honestly cares about nature or health when dissing the appearance of others. It’s not about that, it’s 95% “look at me being all superior compared to those fatties and uglies” and an attempt to make it sound educated.

So screw this “What is your excuse” BS. Wanna know my excuse? Because eating a bag of chips at the movies is more fun than being a bunch of shallow douchebags’ reason to touch themselves.

When you die…

9 Jan

…and you have time to realize it, there is this short and last moment of clarity. A clarity not of what happens around you, but what is about to come to you, and only you, from inside you, where it seems to always have been lurking. It’s not a thought, because thoughts can be controlled, thoughts have words and images. It’s not quite a feeling either. It’s like a wind that’s standing still, within the core of the core of your being’s being. 
Your body is already past feeling anything. Your mind is past thinking. It’s that moment just before you’re really dead, that last bit of brain activity, that gives you something that isn’t quite a thought, but also not quite a feeling, yet you realize it, but not knowingly, not in a way you could define it; your body is too far gone to even make a facial expression to go with it. 
It’s that final fleeting moment of realization. It’s over. It’s too late, you’re past all hope or help, you are about to be dead, and your being, your joys, your pains, your friends, your family, your world, your projects and dreams, your past and your future, everything will be irrevocably over in an amount of time that knows no name and that has no unit or measure, just like this realization that is nothing and everything.

That sadness, that final surge of struggle in your deepest core that does not want you and your world to end. And the sadness that it will all end regardless. Nothing compares to this. It’s not fear, not resignation, not anger, just the sadness of the profound, final, and pointless realization that the world that you’ve made and that you’ve been – every person creates, is, their own world – is now ending and nothing can save it.

You can only put it into words if you survive to think about it. You can’t relate to or internalize it unless you’ve felt it. If you hold on to it, it instills a fear of, and a rage against death in you, an absolute rejection of your mortality, and a desperation to live and to make your life matter and to not waste a second. This is at the same time motivating, and also paralyzing. This fear that the world, a unique world everybody creates, will end when you stop breathing. You cling to each breath knowing one will eventually be your last and you will encounter that feeling again. You fear and hate the thought of you ending. You’re no longer able to imagine the world without you in it, because the world you know, is the one your eyes have seen, your hands have touched, and your mind has processed. Any other person will not live in the world of your life. They live in their own. You end and your world, a world, ends. Death no longer feels natural or acceptable. Not your own. Because with you, the world ends.